Strider Security

WHAT MAKES GUYS TICK?

 

CHAPTER ONE

   Have you ever noticed how totally spaced boys seem to be? Of course you have. You’re a normal girl. You’ve been around. Guys are weird. Everybody knows that.

   But have you ever sat back and really thought about what it is that makes them do the things they do? What makes them think the things they think and act in the totally bizarre way they act?

   What Makes Guys Tick?

   That’s the question of the century.

   My purpose in writing this book is to offer to you, young women, a unique insider’s glance into the minds of this strange species of human beings and hopefully help you understand just what it is that makes them function . . . and, equally important, how you—yes YOU—affect that whole process.

   This book was inspired by a series of firesides that I’ve presented on this same subject. Therefore, here and there throughout the book, I’ll be referring to some of the unique experiences and responses I’ve had at those firesides. I’ll also be including many of the visual aids used in the fireside.

   Not ALL of them, of course. There are over three hundred slides in my presentation. My publisher would have a tizzy-fit if he had to print that many color pages in this book. I’ll pick out the best ones, turn them into black and white, and hopefully still be able to get my point across.

   You know, it’s a very exhilarating (and scary) experience standing at the pulpit in front of hundreds of young women like yourself. I’m always nervous about whether everything will go just right, whether I’ll forget something really important, or whether the digital projector will burn out and leave me high and dry.

   The girls all come into the chapel a bit apprehensive about having some old, short, bald geezer like me standing up there “preaching” to them about BOYS. Yeah, right. As if they didn’t already know everything there was to know. Get real!

   Not to mention all the Young Women leaders and visiting Priesthood authorities sitting there fidgeting and worrying—afraid that I’m about to launch in on some extensive Birds & Bees seminar or in-depth anatomy lessons. (Don’t worry, I’m not.)

   So, to loosen everybody up a bit, I always start my firesides with a couple of ice-breaking jokes.

   My computer-savy son is always sending me stuff through e-mail, so there’s never any shortage of material. And it seems like every day I get at least one new Dumb Blonde joke.

   What is it with Dumb Blonde jokes that they always seem to be aimed at girls? They’re not called Dumb Blonde GIRL jokes, are they? So what’s the deal? Aren’t there any dumb-blond BOYS out there?

   (As she laughs out loud and sprays soda out her nose all over my brand-new book.)

   So I did some looking around and came up with a few Dumb GUY jokes, just to give you girls some equal time.

   Like this, for example:

Q: Why are all dumb-blonde jokes one-liners?
A: So guys can understand them.

  Or this one:

Q: How do guys exercise at the beach?
A: By sucking in their stomachs every time a bikini walks by.

  One of my favorites:

Q: Why do they always insist on sending at least one female astronaut on every space shuttle mission?
A: In case they get lost in space, at least SOMEBODY will stop and ask directions!

  And finally:

Q: What did God say, after He created man?
A: “I can do better than that!”

  Now that I’ve got you relaxed a little, I’m going to let you in on a BIG secret—something that will totally blow you away—something SO revolutionary as to completely change your way of looking at life.

   Are you ready? Sitting up straight? Paying attention?

   Here it is:

   Boys — are DIFFERENT — than girls. (Gasp!)

   Don’t laugh. You’d be surprised how many people really don’t understand this basic principle.

   Okay, obviously boys are different on the outside. Everybody knows that. But they’re also VERY different on the inside. And I don’t mean anatomically, although that’s true, too.

   I’m talking about the way they think, the way they act.

   They like different things than girls. They WANT different things. They respond to different things.

   They are just totally DIFFERENT.

   Yet millions of hours and dollars are spent every year trying to make us the same. The world wants EQUALITY.

   And in a way, that’s okay. Equal is good.

   But Equal is not THE SAME.


   Take a look at this example:

 

   Is this true? Does two equal two? Are they equal? — Yes.

   But are they the same? — No.

   One of the two is small, delicate, curvy, pretty . . . feminine.

   The other is big, bold, muscular . . . masculine.

   Definitely NOT the same.

   In like manner, even though we are all equal in the eyes of God, Boys are NOT the same as Girls. They each see things totally different and do things totally different.

   Here’s a good example. I call it:  THE HAIRCUT

 
HER WAY

   Kristi and Jennie meet each other in the hall at school.

   Kristi: Oh, wow! You cut your hair. Awesome!

   Jennie: (Striking a pose) You like it? I was afraid it might be too short. What do you think?

   Kristi: No way. It’s perfect. I love the way it curves around on the sides. Too cool.

   Jennie: Really? You don’t think it’s, like . . . too poofy?

   Kristi: No, it totally works with the whole shape of your face. I wish I could do mine like that.

   Jennie: Are you kidding? You have the most gorgeous hair in the whole school. I wish I could do mine like THAT.

   Kristi: Really? You think so? Well it’s a pain to take care of, I’ll tell you that.

   Jennie: Yeah. No kidding. Oh, hey, look. I got a new necklace to go with the ’do. You like?

   Kristi: Awesome.

   Jennie: And matching earrings, of course.

   Kristi: Of course. Real gold?

   Jennie: Is there anything else?


HIS WAY

   John and Jake meet each other in the hall at school.

   John: Hey.

   Jake: Hey.

   John: Haircut?

   Jake: Yeah.


   Study this image.

   If you look at it right, you’ll see the word LIFE spelled out in fancy script. But there’s something else hidden in there. Can you see it? Turn the book a teeny bit sideways, either direction. Can you see it yet?

   Without turning the book around, ask someone sitting or standing in front of you what they see. They’ll be looking at it up-side-down, and I’ll guarantee they’ll see something different than what you see. Turn the book around and see for yourself.

   Surprised?

   That’s a perfect example of how boys and girls can see the EXACT same thing totally different. One sees LIFE, as big as life. The other sees certain and unmistakable DEATH.

   And both are left scratching their heads and wondering why the other can’t see things the way they REALLY are.

   It’s SO obvious.


   Speaking of Life and Death, I have a good friend who LOVES to fish. It’s his whole life. Every spare moment of his existence is spent in a boat on a lake.

   One day I happened to walk into their kitchen and spotted a funny sign posted on the wall. (Keep in mind, this is the wife’s territory . . . not his.) The sign read:

Fishing is NOT
a Matter of
Life and Death
. . .
It’s MUCH More
Serious Than That!

   Well, some may say that UNDERSTANDING GUYS is not a matter of Life and Death, either.

   But in my opinion—for you young girls—it may well be a matter of ETERNAL CONSEQUENCE.

   If you’re concerned, or even half interested, read on.

 

Out of Print